I Canna Change the Laws of Physics - v0.1
This isnít an insert-yourself fic. I got the idea from an analysis of attacks and how Ranmaís Kachu Tenshin Amaguriken breaks the laws of physics and had this image in my head of massive second degree burns on his arms if he tried in here. Hence the story.
If you are from Minnesota this story is probably a lot funnier than if you are not. There are a lot of inside jokes. And yes, Minnesotans do speak like they do in Fargo, we just hate to admit it.
My deus ex machina - everyone can understand each other. Iím not in the mood to really learn Japanese, and it would take up too much time to write why everyone can understand each other. Lets just say they have Babel Fishes implanted permanently, or something.
Insert standard disclaimers here. Completely for non-profit. All characters except the ones I create are owned by Takahashi-sama and Co.
"Kami-sama, why is it so cold here? I never knew it could get this cold!" The young man pulled his army green jacket closer and ignored passerbysí glares. "Why are people glaring at me?" he asked to no one in particular the group he was with.
"Well, Ranma, it might have something to do with the fact you are wearing a Chinese Communist coat and we are in the United States. You know, Communists, Capitalists, donít get along too well." Nabiki shook her head in irritation.
"Oh yeah. So why is it so damn cold?"
Kasumi answered, "Well, the airline made a mistake, and we were sent to a northern state called Minnesota instead of California. And it is winter, so itís quite cold. Daddy, why did we book with that airline called Northwest?"
Sounís teeth were chattering, "B-b-because it was cheap, d-d-daughter."
"What is the temperature?" Akane asked.
Nabiki answered looking up at a large sign that said TCF, "Minus 15 degrees. Is that Celsius or Fahrenheit? I think America uses Fahrenheit."
"What difference does it make? Itís still too damn cold. I will never complain about Japan being cold again," Ranma grumbled.
"Never mind boy, lets just find a taxi and a hotel and something to eat. Soun-kun, how long are we staying here?"
"I donít know, Saotome-kun. Our layover is for two days, but I think I saw something in the news that said all the airports are having problems because of the cold."
The Nerima group huddled together and trudged through massive amounts of snow theyíd never thought possible. They finally flagged down a couple taxis and asked the drivers to take them to a hotel, any hotel, as long as it was fairly reasonably priced, Nabiki added. The driver looked at his passengers, cocking an eyebrow at their foreigness. It wasnít everyday that a gaggle of Japanese tourist come suddenly to Minnesota and not ask to be taken immediately to the Mall of America (a.k.a., for those that live in Minnesota, the megamall, the Mall of Hysteria, the Mall of the Universe..verse..se.., or just a waste of time and a bitch to park.) He figured they would eventually want to go there, so he took him to a nice hotel that was fairly close and had shuttles to the Mall.*
"Here we are, the Radisson South Hotel. Nice hotel, decently priced like the young lady asked." The drivers stopped and helped unload the luggage.
Akane, who had been quiet for most of the trip looked about her amazed. People in very strange clothes were coming in and out of the hotel. She wasnít much of an otaku or science fiction fan, but she could at least recognise an older bald man, who looked like a Caucasian version of Genma, dressed up as a Klingon. She then spied some nubile young women in slinky dresses. Isnít she cold?
"Itís some type of convention," Nabiki said and pointed to a large sign which proclaimed "CON-Vergence!" Then did a double take as some woman passed by bearing a striking resemblance to herself. "What the hell?"
Ranma had just gotten out of the other taxi when he saw a doppleganger run past with a woman dressed like Akane. The doppleganger stopped, and turned to look at him. "Great costume!!" he shouted and ran into the hotel followed by the Akane look-alike brandishing a huge mallet. Costume? He repeated Nabiki, "What the hell?" he asked.
"Where am I now??!! And why is it so cold?"
Ranma glared at the young man who had his face in a map that was turned upside down. The map was of Beijing. "Ryouga. Figures." He grabbed the map out of Ryougaís hands, rolled it up and bapped him on the head. "Youíre in the United States. Some state called Minnesota."
"I thought I was in China. Why are you guys here?" his eyes quickly scanned the troop. "Is Akane here?"
"Oh, hi Ryouga! Weíre on vacation. We were going to California, but the airline messed up, so we have a 2 day layover here. Why donít you stay with us for awhile?" Akane waved.
Fang-boyís eyes got huge. "Shh. . . sh..sure! If itís no problem."
"Of course not, Ryouga. You are always welcome," Kasumi beamed at him.
Ryouga grinned maniacally, then his face froze in a contorted grimace when he saw a person of indeterminate sex walk by the taxis dressed almost exactly the same, including the massive hiking back pack, and, *OH THE TERROR* had a stuffed little black pig perched atop. His mouth dropped. "What the hell?" He started sweating, which froze on his face.
Kasumi noticed his face and saw the cause. "Oh my, Ryouga. Do you have relatives here?" Ryouga only squeaked.
The families gathered their luggage, thanked and bowed to the taxi drivers, who looked perplexed at the bowing. "Uh, yahh sure. You betcha, it wasnít a problem at all," the drivers said. After they went inside the hotel, they looked at each other.
"That sure was strange. You donít get people like that everyday," said driver number 1.
Driver number 2 nodded. "Oh yahh, I know whatcha mean. Anyway, how about dat Chris Carter? Doiní great dis year. WCCOís got dah game on. Iím on my way home, Jenny made some hotdish tonight. Want to come over for dinner? We can go out to dah shack after."
The Nerimians checked into the hotel amidst looks from convention go-ers.
"Are you part of the convention," the pretty blond asked behind the desk. Ranma stared at the young woman wondering if her hair were naturally that color. Heíd never seen someone with that light of hair before. Akane had not failed to noticed and elbowed him in the back.
Soun looked at the blond quizzically and adjusted his gi. "No, we are just visiting. Why do you ask?"
The blondís eyes widened. "Oh, I am so sorry. I thought those were costumes. Here are your keys." She finished processing their room as fast as possible.
Nabiki stepped forward and raised her eyebrow at the woman. "What exactly is that supposed to mean?" she said in her most menacing voice. The woman blanched.
"I meant nothing. Iím sorry if I offended you. I just started working here." The young woman cowered before Nabiki. "Here," she handed the middle daughter a bunch of coupons. "These are coupons for free dinners to the restaurant. My apologies."
Nabiki smiled. "Thank you," she said magnaminously and shoved the coupons in her pocket and took the keys. She gave one to Akane and the keys to the other room to Ranma and Ryouga. Genma started grumbling that he didnít get a key until he saw a huge panda walking by. "What the hell?"
After they got settled in their rooms, they made a bee-line to the restaurant. It was already after 6 pm and Ranmaís and Ryougaís stomachs were making their needs known. The maitre-d seated them and handed everyone menus. Ranma and Ryouga glared at the menus, mumbling, "Canít read the stupid thing."
Akane looked annoyed at Ranma. "Thatís because itís in English. What did you expect? Just order a burger, or something." Ranma nodded and Ryouga thought heíd do the same.
Everyone sat and chatted amicably, at least for the Nerimians, until their food came. Ranma and Ryouga looked at the huge hamburgers and massive amount of french fries on their plates till their eyes bugged out comically. Ranma looked over at his father and the huge porterhouse steak heíd ordered and sniggered. For once, he thought, his father wouldnít be stealing his food.
Of course, Ryouga and Ranma and Akane ordered desserts, sundaes, to be precise. This time, Akane gasped as the huge sundae came out, in a large glass dish with 5 scoops of ice cream. Her iinazuke looked at the dessert. "You eat that, and you will look like a ball instead of a stick," he said.
Ryouga growled, "How dare you speak to Akane like that?!"
Ranma merely shrugged. "Why you so upset, pig-boy?" he said nonchalantly. Meanwhile Akaneís fingers were twitching and her eyes had a wild look.
Nabiki looked at the three. "Oh, no. Donít you guys get tired of fighting all the time?"
Of course, they ignored Nabiki. "Who you calling pig-boy?!" Ryouga shouted at Ranma.
"You, bacon breath!"
"Ranma, stop teasing Ryouga!" Akane shouted. People in the hotel were stopping in their tracks to watch the fight.
"Wow, are they practicing for the Cosplay?" one of the convention goers, who was dressed as Bellandy, asked. "Theyíre really good, and their costumes are so authentic."
The Nerimians heard this remark and Ranma shouted back, "These arenít costumes dammit! Are you people all crazy?!" At this point, Genma took the opportunity to steal some of Ranmaís melting sundae. "Pop, didnít you have enough to eat? Leave my food alone!"
Then Akane exploded. "WHERE IS MY MALLET??!! RANMA!" Her hands were still twitching, but mysteriously empty.
"You hurt Akane. I will not forgive you for what youíve done to her!" Ryouga shouted.
Ranma stared at Akane as she made motions like she was smacking him with her mallet but nothing happened. "What the hell?" he asked again. Akane burst into tears of frustration.
"YOU MADE AKANE CRY! YOU WILL PAY!" Fang-boy jumped at Ranma swinging. He barely cleared the table as he tried to land a punch. Ranma leaped out of the way, but not even close to what his usual tumbling was.
"Weíre taking this outside, Ryouga." He said, and jumped over the low wall barrier. . . and his foot caught. "WHAT THE HELL??!!" he shouted as he stumbled and ran towards the entrance. "This ainít home, Ryouga, outside, NOW!" and he ran out with Ryouga and Akane hot on his heels.
People followed, thinking it was a play and ran out to the cold to watch the fight.
Ranma and Ryouga faced off in the parking lot, choosing an area that had few cars. The two were glowing a light blue. The onlookers stared in surprise, trying to find some type of lights that would make them glow and found none.
"Ranma! Youíve hurt Akane for the last time! PREPARE TO DIE!!" Ryouga shouted and launched a flurry of kicks and punches at his target. As always, Ranma countered easily, but found he couldnít move as fast. He saw the amount of people watching and decided that he needed to end the fight fast before some innocent person, or property got hurt. Ryouga, on the other hand, had other ideas. He backed off, and took several leaps backwards. "BAKUSAI TENKETSU!" and touched his finger to the pavement.
"WHAT THE HELL??!!##!@&*()(" he screamed.
Ranma, meanwhile took the opportunity to gather his ki, and focused a small, pinpoint attack. "Mouko Takabisha!" he shouted and released his ki in a laser light formation. Ryouga went flying backwards, (thankfully unimpeded by a car Nabiki thought, she was in no mood to get sued by an American. Abnormally litigious society), slammed into the pavement and slid for about 10 feet. The crowd gasped, and several people whipped out their cell phones ready to call 911. "How did he do that?" "What the hell was that?" "I donít see any mirrors." While others applauded. Apparently, they thought it was part of the Con.
The crowd gasped even louder when just seconds later Ryouga got up, mostly unharmed except for the small hole burned in his shirt. "Why didnít he break bones?" "Why is his shirt burned?" "Is this real?" People surged towards him and kept asking him if he was OK.
Ranma looked exhausted and quite blue, not from his aura, but because it was now about 20 below. Kasumi ran up to him and handed him his coat while Akane stood at his side. "Ranma," she whispered, "why didnít my mallet appear? Where is it?"
"I donít know. I donít know what the hell is going on here at all. You see Ryougaís Bakusai Tenketsu didnít work? Heís never had it not work before. But my Mouko Takabisha did." He then looked up to see the doppleganger he saw before watching him from the crowd. "What the hell??! What the hell is going on here? Where the hell are we??!!" he shouted and clutched his head. Heíd had about enough of the situation and needed to get away. Ranma bolted from the crowd and jumped to the low roof.
He only cleared about four feet.
"WHAT IN ALL OF THE HELLS IS GOING ON HERE?"
Akane ran up and threw her arms around him trying to console him. For once, he didnít back away but fell into her arms shaking. The rest of the Nerimians went into the hotel, ignoring the questions and stares from the crowd. Quietly, they made their way back to their rooms. Ranma and Akane followed shortly after.
They were all seated on the beds and desks and floor in the room the men were sharing. Nabiki stood up, paced the room for a couple seconds then addressed the assembled. "Other than being in a different state and a different culture, as many of you have noticed, there are strange things going on here. One, not once has Ranma been splashed with water."
Akane gasped, "I hadnít even thought of that. But that is weird."
Her older sister nodded. "And then thereís Akaneís lack of mallet. I bet if any of us tried, we couldnít make a mallet appear. Lastly, why are some of the attacks working, and some not? Iíve never seen either Ranma or Ryouga to miss when jumping to a roof." She let the words sink in. She also noticed Ranma and Akane were sitting quite close to the other, in fact leaning it to the other, and they were holding hands. She chalked that up to another odd thing. "I suggest we try a few experiments." She went into the bathroom and returned with a glass of water which she upended on Ranmaís head. Onna-Ranma looked up after the glass was empty. "Well, we have that. Curses still are in effect. We already saw that Ranmaís ki attack works. But not Ryougaís Bakusai Tenketsu. Ryouga, would you try your ki attack?"
Ryouga looked up after staring at the hole in his shirt. "This was my favorite shirt Ranma," he said softly. Onna-Ranma rolled her eyes.
"Get over it, pig-boy. You know how many of my shirts youíve destroyed?" Ryouga said nothing, but instead dark wisps of energy started forming around him. He drew his hands together and formed a small ball. Kasumi ran over and opened the window so Ryouga could shot the ki out where it harmlessly dissipated after a few miles.
"Alright, Ranma, try your Amaguriken," Nabiki ordered. Ranma, returning from the bathroom and back to his male form, took a deep breath and launched his trade-mark punches.
*BOOM* The mirror above the dresses shattered and the occupants flew backwards into the walls.
"ARRRGHGHGHHGH!!!! HOLY SHIT!!" Ranma sprinted into the bathroom and turned on the cold water tap. Everyone crowded in to see her drenching her arms in the cold water. They were badly burnt, maybe second degree burns and onna-Ranma was having problems breathing. Even the Chinese shirt was singed at the cuffs. "What the hell?" she gasped out. Kasumi ran to the other room and returned shortly with a first aid kit. She took out some salve and covered his arms.
"Ranma, I think we need to get you to the hospital. This is really bad."
She shook her head. "I can handle this. Donít worry, just give me some bandages and some aspirin." Kasumi did as she asked and Ranma came out with her arms covered up to her elbows.
"What the hell happened? Would someone tell me, dammit? Not only are we freezing our asses off here, everything is screwed up?! Next thing you know, Akaneíll tell me she loves me, or something."
Akane looked up at Ranma with tears in her eyes. She walked over to her iinazuke and touched the bandages. "I am so sorry Ranma that you are hurt. And I do love you."
Ranma smiled ruefully. "Do you know how long Iíve wanted to hear that, cos I love you too, Akane." She stood on her toes and kissed her.
"GAHHH!! I canít believe this. This is a sad, dark world. I hate this place; and Akane probably knows Iím P-chan."
Akane swiveled on her heels. "WHAT!! YOU ARE P-CHAN??!! YOU HENTAI, YOU LIAR, I HATE YOU!!" She charged Ryouga and made the motions of swinging her mallet, but it wasnít there. "Whereís my mallet??!! How can I beat you without my mallet?" she cried and crumpled to the ground. Ranma scooped her up and laid her on the bed next to her Father.
"Excuse me, but I think I know what is going on." Kasumiís quiet voice commanded the room. All eyes looked at her expectantly. "We are now merely obeying the laws of physics. Donít you see?"
"I canna change the laws of physics, laws of physics. . . " Ranma mumbled under her breath. Akane nudged her in the back, "Shut up," she whispered.
"Ranmaís Amaguriken breaks the laws of physics. The boom we heard was a sonic boom of his arms breaking the sound barrier. The burns are from the friction from the air. Also, Ranma and Ryougaís leaps at home are impossible."
"But what about the Shishi Hokoudan and Mouko Takabisha?" Soun asked.
"Theoretically, they are possible. All of matter and energy are entwined, E=MC2. Humans generate electricity and energy and we could channel that energy, or ki, into attacks."
Ranma looked dazed. "Huh?" she asked.
"It means that you can do your ki attacks." Akane said.
"Kasumi, how did you learn all this stuff?" Akane asked.
"From Dr. Tofu, of course, and all the books he loaned me."
"But that doesnít explain why we can do them at home." Ranma said
"I know, Iíve been thinking about that. Einstein postulated that there are possibly many different dimensions, coexisting simultaneously. Itís possible, albeit nearly inconceivable, that we landed in an alternate dimension."
"Huh?" Ranma said again. This time Akane just shrugged, she hadnít the foggiest clue what her older sister said.
"We are in an alternate universe, in other words, Ranma. Back home, the laws of physics are, well, loosey goosey, and if you have mind to, you can bend them. Apparently, we canít here."
"Oh," Ranma repeated herself again. "Well, I donít like it here. Can we get back home?"
Just then a knock was heard. Kasumi answered the door, "Hello? Oh my!"
"Hey! You guys having a party in here?" At the door were a group of people dressed exactly like the inhabitants of the room. The Nerimians stood up and collectively gasped. "Great costumes, man!" said the Ranma look-alike. "Hey, you guys were the ones in the parking lot earlier, werenít you? You gonna put on another show? The Cosplay is tomorrow night, you guys gonna be in it?"
Onna-Ranma glared at the doppleganger. "There is no party here, leave, before I get angry."
"Well, sorrry! I was just complimenting you. You really look like Ranma."
"Thatís cause I AM Ranma," she growled and started glowing blue. She placed her hands together and a blue ball of energy started forming.
"Uh, yeah right. Anyway, weíre gonna look for more parties," And the group at the door fled. "Who the hell were those freaks?" could be heard down the hall. Ranma sighed and released the ki harmlessly.
"So how we get back to our universe. And how the hell they know who we are?"
"I think I can answer that second question." Nabiki walked into the room. No one had even noticed she had slipped out when Ranma had tried his Amaguriken. She threw a small book on the bed in front of her father.
Soun looked at the small paperback book. "Whatís this? A manga? RANMA Ĺ??!!" Ranma leapt over and snatched the book from Sounís hands.
Everyone looked over her shoulder as she flipped rapidly through the book. "This is my life. . . my story. How the hell. . . Rumiko Takahashi is the author. How does she know all this stuff?" Ranma slumped down in shock.
"Ranma? Did you always think I was cute?" Akane asked.
"Umm, well, itís in there. Yeah, I suppose." She sighed. Then stood up straight. "Kasumi, how do we get home?"
"I donít know." The eldest daughter sat down with her hands in her laps, dejected.
"Maybe it had something to do with the airplane," Akane piped up. "You know, like that gaijin horror writer and the airplane. It was on TV the other night."
"Oh yeah, The Langoliers," Nabiki supplied.
"Yeah. Well, maybe something happened to the plane. They screwed up our destination, afterall. Maybe it was more than just destination, maybe it was a, what is that called, temporal rift."
"Does that mean we have to sit around here for two days?" Ranma asked.
Nabiki shook her head. "Let me see what I can do. I have a few contacts here in the states. I might be able to pull something." She left the room and you could hear her open the door to the room the girls were sharing.
"I think we should all get some rest," Kasumi suggested. Everyone thought this was a good idea and retired to their respective rooms.
They checked out the next morning, trying to keep as low a profile as possible. But people were whispering as they walked by. Nabiki had gotten tickets on the 10:30 am flight on Northwest in first class. No one asked how she did this. No one ever asked how she did most of her feats. She would probably charge too much for them to know anyway. Besides, they were too frightened of her.
Everyone fell asleep on the plane on the way to Los Angeles. Hard not to when you are sitting in comfy first class leather chairs and hideous jet lag. The flight attendants awakened the crew when they arrived.
First thing Ranma and Ryouga did when they got off the plane and they had their luggage gathered outside was jump. They both leaped and *WHEE* landed on the low roof.
"YAHHAHAHHAH!!!!!!! Weíre back!!" the two shouted simultaneously, and promptly fell to beating the crap out of each other. Akane came charging in brandishing her mallet.
"Well, back to normal," Kasumi said and sung under her breath, "I canna change the laws of physics. . . "
* This sounds pretty racist. I grew up Asian in Minnesota. Itís not meant to be derogatory, but itís honest. By the way, the convention I am referring to occurs in July, not the summer. But, for artisitic license, I decided to change it.
Comments and Criticism welcome! Contact me at email@example.com
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